Sunday, December 28, 2008

Dellisa Reid, Emmith Reid

God talked to me on the way to church and he encouraged me to make contact no matter what.
So will you forgive me for whatever I did knowingly or unknowingly that caused so much pain and division in our relationship.
I' m so pleased you shared what you were feeling. I had not looked at my abandonment of you from your point of view. In doing so I see that I created more pain than less. And for that I will always be sorry.
Congratulations on your marriage to Emmith and motherhood of Genesis and Livia.

12/28/2008 I didn't know how to share with you and probably still don't. You were right I didn't know how to be a family. I only know I wanted to be a better mom to my kids than my mom. One day I woke up and heard her words falling out of my mouth. I thought I was doing better but that was just a fantasy in my head. I have made my amends to Paul, Matthew, and Kevin and also in a letter to you written years ago and unmailed.
For awhile I had gifts out for your children but finally had to put all reminders away. Funny physical reminders are gone but mental reminders are always with me.
Often in the middle of the night I search for you and Emmith on the web. I found his family in North Carolina and your my space site as well as his. When he expressed a desire to know more about his father I could identify with him.
My dad left when I was 18 months old. I saw him when I was five although no memory of that. I also saw him when I was 16 and my next visit was his funeral. For whatever reason he chose not to make contact with me nor to pay child support. My mother I think thought his family would kidnap me. And I never knew him, his mom nor his brothers and sisters..... At his funeral I was able to meet those siblings that were still living. I really liked them and regretted not getting to know his side of the family.
Years later I moved to southern California and bought a home within a mile of where I has meet him when I was sixteen. I finally came to terms with the fact that he fathered me but could not be a father to me. I thought doing without a dad was no biggy. However when I turned 60 I began to notice dads and their kids and how they inter related. It was then that I missed not having a dad.
Just want you to know your entire family is included at our holiday table whether you are here or not. We discuss all the members missing and are just learning how to put the past behind us and move forward. This Christmas while somewhat weepy was a very close sharing time that I remember from my Christmas's at my grandma's.
Whenever you are ready feel free to contact me.


Thank you for your message. This time seems to be a purging time that I have been avoiding. May be I'll get the courage to finish purging before the New Year. I view this as a positive time which is so different from the days of mass depression. Again thanks for caring. My special memory of you hugging me at Elaine's when I was crying was very special. Thanks again I know you have been here too.

Saturday, December 27, 2008


While my trials seem over whelming to me your blog certainly puts life in perspective. I use to feel this way and believe it was the end of the world now I know it is only temporary and it will get better. It is like getting rid of my poison. I actually was able to play at the craft table for a little while. Thank you for your response. While I can't feel you friends pain we did lose a granddaughter 12 hours before birth and it was a terrible time. But that was 21 years ago and the pain is less this won't give him peace now but in time maybe.

Private message to God

Thank you for being with me the last few days. The holidays were good even though I couldn't so anything. Many thanks to Kevin, Paul, Stacey, Adrian for stepping up to the plate,
Thank you also for helping to keep my mouth shut and enjoy things their way. Some of us have been apart for 17 years and are just getting back into the fold and that felt wonderful even if I got weepy. To me tears release the poison in my system and they have been flowing.
I spent 90 minutes on the massage table working to release the knots, tension, etc. and today with chiropractor. While I have ideas and thoughts of art work All I can do is sleep and let my body rest.
If it wasn't for you being here it would have been me seeing you. Thank you God.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Private message to Lisa Reid, Emmith Reid, Livia, Genesis

We think of you often and miss you. All of you. Lisa you were right what I did was wrong and I am so sorry. Your dad, Craig, Paul Stacey, Adrian are here encouraging me to say Merry Christmas to you and yours from all of us.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Happy Holidays

To all of you ( in town friends) Out of town bloggers, relatives, etc. A Merry Holiday and good New year.

Did something to my right leg or side. Probably due to no exercise and then stretched it wrong. 700 mile trip in a car to a funeral probably didn't help. Chiropractor has been working on me about three times a week. So when I feel better probably do to much and end up delaying healing.
Well today was one of those days. Just had to clean up craft space and camera area. Plus carrying box of idea books to car. All in all by the time I finished five errands of exiting the car I was in bad shape. Walking once I am up is ok, sitting is okay. Getting in the car okay. Getting out of the car is turn in seat to exit car, scoot to edge of seat. Put left leg down as I keep front tilting forward. Then slowly ease my right leg to a position close to the ground....pain!!!! Then I retrack my leg to a painless spot and standing on my left leg inch myself around so I am facing my car and begin again to lower my right leg. By this time, I think the color and energy has drained from me. Saw chiro today and again tomorrow.
Finished last of must do client jobs today. Tomorrow a costco visit as we are having lasgnaa and salad for Christmas this year. Think I will make lists of jobs that need to be done, putting them in a container and everyone can draw out a job. Kevin vol un teared to bring bread and veggie tray.

Innards of Memory Keepsake aka Stationary Box

l.  lst pic is jan envie,  2, gratitude journal 3. & 4 some of cards in stationary box.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

CTMH Memory Keeper

Tried to enter on CTMH site but forgot how.  So here is info...A client ordered the memory keeper in cow theme.  Paper is all CTMH.  It was my last piece of cow paper that has been retired.  Views showing outside of box, inside lid the note card paper, inside bottom of box with journal of 12 envies one for each month and bound with Bind It All, inside of box with journal removed and then you see the top of the second laer.  Pull ribbon to open left and right sides..  Left side contain 10 gift tags and 10 cards with envies right side holds a gratitude journal and 10 more cards and envies.